However, making an effort to repair relationships will benefit you and your loved ones in the long run. Many people think of making amends as simply apologizing for whatever wrongs they did in their using, however an apology is not an amend. For example, say that you stole $20 from your brother while you were using. In the midst of your ninth step, you say to him “I’m so sorry that I stole that money from you and used it for drugs”. A true amend would be giving him $20 back along with the apology.

The harmed individual may still harbor resentment or distrust even after making amends. Rebuilding trust takes time and patience, and the person in recovery must be prepared to demonstrate their commitment to change through their ongoing actions and behavior. Examples of making amends could be doing volunteer work, paying off an old debt, making a public apology, etc. Your sponsor will help guide you through each specific situation.

Indirect Amends

Consult with your sponsor or a trusted person in your recovery community to find the best approach for making amends. This step ensures that you are grounded and clear about your intentions and the potential impact of your actions. An indirect amend is appropriate when direct communication might cause further harm, or someone we harmed has passed away. These involve acknowledging faults and resolving to live well in the future to make up for past wrongs. For example, one might consider making indirect amends when the harmed person is deceased or contact would cause further harm.

What’s the difference between an apology and making amends?

This specificity strengthens the impact of your amends letter and shows that you have thoroughly reflected on your actions. When planning, start with the people closest to you and create a communication strategy. Be mindful of the potential drug addiction treatment for harm when reaching out and prepare for any difficult reactions. This preparation helps manage expectations and ensures a clear and compassionate mindset in approaching the process. Making amends allows us to correct mistakes and show that we are not defined by your disease.

What’s the Difference Between Making Amends and an Apology?

Some people may not be willing to forgive or rebuild relationships, and individuals in recovery must be prepared for this possibility. Sometimes, it’s not possible or safe to contact someone directly. They may have passed away, or reaching out might cause more harm. In these cases, you can make indirect amends—doing something positive to honor the person or situation.

If revisiting a past hurt may lead to further distress, it might be better to pursue indirect or living amends instead. Recognizing these complexities helps maintain relationships while adhering to the principles of recovery. Understanding the different types of amends—direct, indirect, and living—facilitates progress in recovery, allowing individuals to make meaningful reparations and improve their relationships. For more insights on this process, consider reading about the spiritual principles of amends, including humility and forgiveness. At Augustine Recovery, we understand how addiction affects the family unit.

• This process aims to heal both the individual making amends and the person who was affected.
• If you’re a treatment provider and have a question, please reach out and someone from our Customer Success team will be in touch with you shortly.
• At Virtue Recovery Center, we’re here to help you every step of the way.
• To help you understand what most people mean when they say living amends, we’ve put together a few examples.
• So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support.

That’s when the recovering alcoholic reaches out to people they’ve hurt before getting sober in an attempt to make things right. Different types of amends help individuals in recovery correct past behaviors and improve relationships. Understanding these different categories can facilitate the amends process. The process requires careful consideration and a humble, heartfelt approach. Taking the time to reflect on the harm caused living amends definition and understanding the emotions involved is essential for effective amends.

• For instance, when apologizing to someone you stole money from, you should also return the amount you took.
• There are some important things you must know and do to successfully make 9th step amends.
• But making amends isn’t just about saying, “I’m sorry.” It’s about taking responsibility, acknowledging the harm caused, and making changes that show genuine growth.
• Accurate, complete profiles best connect you with the right people for your services.

When you struggle with substance use addiction, taking the first steps to learn how to begin the amends process is admitting you need help and starting your recovery journey. At Buckhead Behavioral Health in Atlanta, we are here to help you take those first steps with our custom-tailored treatment programs that teach you how to make amends and live a sober lifestyle. When you offer an amends, it means not only do you apologize to the individual you hurt, but you also demonstrate to them, either directly or indirectly, that you have also changed your behaviors.

Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated. If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation. I hear this repeatedly when I talk to people, that what has resonated for so many years with people is the fact that Spock is an outsider and it’s okay and it’s cool. Actually, cool to be outside and my dad was speaking about this.

Completing a rehab program is an accomplishment to be proud of, but it’s only the first step on a lifelong journey toward sobriety. For sustained success, you’ll need to surround yourself with a robust support system of people who will cheer you on as you work toward your goals. One of the most important things to remember is that not everyone will be accepting of attempts to make amends.